It's been 13 days since my last post, so here's a recap. We lost the eat what you have challenge two days in because I did not prepare the meatballs on Tuesday night when I had time for Wednesday night when I did not have time (story of my life). The results of my sleep test conclude that I have sleep apnea and they are sending an A-pap machine in the mail, but I have not yet been contacted by the ENT specialist that is supposed to call me back to schedule an appointment (big surprise there). I've started having headaches every single morning when I wake up, so that's super fun, and I haven't felt well enough to exercise for the last couple days. I think that about covers it for the recap.
I've been feeling very overwhelmed lately and started thinking about the root cause of my feelings. I'm mean to myself. If I sat down in a public place and saw one lady talking to another lady the way I talk to myself, I'd be horrified. So why do I think it's ok to do this to myself? Every time I don't meet my own expectations for myself, I let myself have it, like in the movie "Liar, Liar" (do you mind? I'm kicking my own ass!) Usually, I keep the verbal abuse silent, but lately, it's been leaking out in audible tangents (only at home, I try to seem less crazy in public). It's gotten so bad that my husband is really frustrated with me. He says it hurts him to hear me talk about the person he loves that way. Again, why do I think it's ok to do this to myself?
I'm really trying to work on letting myself off the hook. So your house is a mess? Take a deep breath and try again tomorrow. So you didn't exercise today? Take a deep breath and try again tomorrow. Honestly, that's why I wanted to start The Sticker Revolution in the first place, to reward myself for the little accomplishments, to give myself a visual reminder, and to share the struggles and triumphs with a friend.
I have now been in the "obese" category for almost more of my life than not. The habits that got me here will not change over night. I'm giving myself permission to cut myself some slack. One day at a time little Manadee, one day at a time.
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