I have been really struggling with anxiety lately. I mean it's been like trying to wrastle a bear fixing to steal a picnic cooler and it's exhausting, and I'm pretty sure that I look a little worse for wear. I haven't been consistent in my gym routine and had to miss again this morning because I just couldn't fall asleep last night and then slept horribly. It's like my brain just won't shut up and take a chill pill, and this has been going on for what feels like weeks now.
I know that going to the gym and being consistent in doing my Headspace exercises is key to taming the beast, but I get caught up in the thick of it, and then it's like I'm paralyzed and every decision is just to big to make. I know I'll be fine, because I made myself sit down to write. Even if I don't have anything of universal importance to say, it's important just to process my thoughts. I'd encourage anyone with anxiety issues to do the same. You don't have to write a blog for the whole world to see, but consider getting a journal and writing everything down. When you have your head on straight, you can read what you wrote and process it rationally, and then talk yourself down off some ledges.
I know part of my problem is the perfection Monster. I want everything I do to be perfect all the time: follow routines to a t, do every item on the checklist, give 150% to every task, and that's just setting myself up to fail. I need to take a deep breath, meditate, and just let me be enough. Whatever I can do, whatever gets done is enough.
At this very moment I'm agonizing over a decision that doesn't merit agonizing. And I'm still tired, but can't go back to sleep, but I have Thursday off for the 4th of July, and I have ravioli in the fridge, AND I've lost almost 15 pounds and stayed on track with Weight Watchers for over a month, so those are things. Positive things. I'm going to be ok. I'm just going to let that dang bear have the picnic cooler. Seriously, I can just buy another one, bears will be bears, sometimes you just have to let it go.
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