Have you ever done something for so long that you forget why you even started? Human beings are such creatures of habit. We like consistency and the safety and comfort of routine, of order. Knowing that the there are certain things that are simply so, like the sun rising and setting. But, sometimes we get too comfortable and stop asking questions, and the moment a "why" resurfaces, it opens a door in our minds that simply can't be closed again.
Last week, I was talking with a friend and she was lamenting the fact that she had gained weight. I kept trying to redirect the conversation, but it just kept wandering back to the glaring number on her scale and she said, "I feel like crap, that's why I need to lose weight." And I thought to myself why does a number have to define everything about us ? Bam! Door blown right open and now I can't get the damn thing closed again.
Why do we automatically assume that weight is what is wrong with our body? We've been conditioned to believe that a particular weight or BMI is the key to everlasting success and happiness. But why? There are a million other indicators of health and well being. Why do we not say, I feel like crap, I need to drink more water? Or I need to eat more fruits and vegetables, or I need to talk to a therapist, or I need to go for a swim? But we rarely say those things on their own, they are always in the context of losing weight. I need to drink more waters so I can lose weight. I need to eat more fruits and vegetables so I can lose weight. The obsession is maddening.
And I think what's almost worse is that it is culturally acceptable to lash out at people who ask why. How dare you challenge the system! Don't you know that the obesity epidemic is what's ruining our country? Is it? I mean really stop and think about it. We've created a cult of obsession around a number on a scale. We've taught people to fear having normal bodies with creases and lumps and wrinkles. We've taught people that food is dangerous and that everything about our worthiness boils down to a smooth stomach and a low BMI. We have created a cultural norm that tells us that it is ok to ridicule and judge others in the name of preserving the health and longevity of our people, but are we going about this all wrong?
What if we taught people to enjoy food? To have culinary adventures with vegetables and fruits and to savor the plethora of world cuisine. What if instead of exercising to punish or bodies for non compliance, we moved for the sheer joy of it? Doing yoga, playing outside, going for a swim, playing soccer with our friends. What if we stopped putting all of our self worth into the number on a scale?
There are so many other measures of health and well being. We have to normalize normal bodies. We have to de-stigmatize mental health. We have to stop lashing out and judging others when we don't know the first thing about their personal journey.
Make a conscious effort to stop talking about weight. It's just a number. If you feel like crap, drink some water, move in a way that makes you feel good, hash it out with a therapist, talk to a doctor (preferably one who isn't solely focused on weight). Nourish your mind, love and accept yourself, respect your uniqueness, and listen to your body. It takes practice, but it will tell you what it needs. And most importantly, be kind - to yourself and to others. The next time someone tells you how it should be, don't be afraid to ask why . Sometimes you will agree with the answer, and sometimes you won't, but that's what makes us all so amazing and diverse. We only stop growing when we stop asking questions.
I'm a blogger and educator breaking through stigmas and helping women find their voice.