It's easy for most people to understand why people get excited about Christmas, or their birthday, or even a wedding. A surgery, on the other hand, seems like something scary to be avoided. For me, there is a healthy amount of worry, but an even bigger desire for it to be over. Yes, things could go wrong. Yes, recovery will most likely suck - a lot. But if the surgery succeeds it also means that I get to start my life again. It means that there is a chance I will be better or at least improved (Manadee 2.0).
As I wait for the days to pass, I'm making myself dwell on the positive (my anxiety is like a verbal jackhammer and this is the only way to drown it out). Ian is on vacation this week and our 4 year anniversary is on Thursday. Although we can't take a trip this year, we do get to be together and that makes my heart happy. Also, we are working together this week to prepare the house for post surgery. I have to take frequent rest breaks, but we're still making progress. The more we do together now, the less Ian will have to do by himself when I'm gone and, when I get home, it will be to fresh, clean sheets in the guest room and a closet full of clean muumuus (my favorite post surgery attire). Now, if you'll please excuse me, I'm off to seize the day.
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